Chickenus Dovus Asniniensis
Jules Crittenden

The anti-war movement's big moment has arrived. The pressure for cut-and-walk is on. The moment of defeat is at hand!

Back when the war started, there were some highly principled peaceniks who decided to go to Iraq to shield the innocent Iraqi people from the onslaught of American imperialist war criminals. This effort, unfortunately, did not persist long enough for any of them to hear a shot fired. They left in indignant frustration when they realized Saddam Hussein was placing them in military installations.

This was too bad. I supported what they were doing. I thought if Sean Penn could save the lives of innocent Iraqis by bravely taking a round, that was good. I could have some respect for the legions of lefties, if they chose to get splattered in furtherance of their beliefs. But they didn't. It was a great disappointment.

Since then, the anti-war crowd, most of whom didn't even manage to not shield Iraqis in the first place, have channeled their indignation into demands that anyone who supports this war enlist and go to Iraq. They've also been incensed that anyone who didn't go to a war that they didn't go to 40 years ago should suggest the United States needs to act in its own self-interest and self-defense. They call these people "chickenhawks."

Now, American soldiers may be asked to fight a rearguard action, dying for the disengagement the anti-war movement has demanded. Now is the time for everyone who supports this to enlist. Go to Baghdad. Place yourself between the hapless GIs and their attackers. Strap yourselves to the bumpers of Humvees ... better yet, jog ahead of the convoy and jump up and down on anything that looks suspicious.

The loud chorus of Kumbaya that precedes any American military unit will alert anti-American terrorists that here are people who want to understand why they hate us. Surely this will cause these heartless killers to pause, and reconsider their ways. ...